Attached and Empowered: How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help High-Achieving Women and Moms Thrive
You’re used to managing a lot—at work, at home, and in your own mind. You plan ahead, stay productive, and hold everyone together. But in quieter moments, you might feel a familiar tension:
Why do I sometimes feel anxious in my relationships, even when everything seems fine?
Why do I pull away when people get too close—or feel overwhelmed when they don’t?
Why do I second-guess my worth when things feel uncertain?
If these questions resonate, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. You may simply be reacting from your attachment style, a pattern rooted in how we experience safety, connection, and support in close relationships.
The book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller offers a powerful framework for understanding why we behave the way we do in relationships—and how we can grow.
What Is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory, developed by psychologist John Bowlby, explains how our early relationships with caregivers shape the way we connect with others in adulthood. Attached breaks this down into three main styles:
Secure: Comfortable with closeness, able to trust and be trusted.
Anxious: Craves intimacy but worries about abandonment or not being enough.
Avoidant: Values independence, feels overwhelmed by too much closeness.
These patterns don’t make you “good” or “bad” at relationships—they’re simply coping strategies you developed to feel safe. The good news? They can be understood and transformed.
Why Attachment Style Matters for High-Achieving Women and Moms
High-achieving women are often skilled at managing external responsibilities, but may struggle with vulnerability, emotional needs, or intimacy—especially if they lean toward anxious or avoidant patterns.
Here's how understanding your attachment style can be a game-changer:
1. You’ll Recognize Emotional Triggers Sooner
If you find yourself spiraling when someone doesn’t text back or pulling away when things get too “emotional,” your attachment system may be activated.
Self-awareness helps you pause and ask:
“Is this reaction about now, or is it about a deeper fear of not being safe or wanted?”
2. You’ll Stop Blaming Yourself for Your Needs
Many high-achieving women have been taught to downplay or hide emotional needs. But Attached reminds us that needing connection doesn’t make you needy—it makes you human.
Whether you need more reassurance, space, or clarity, learning your style helps you communicate your needs without shame.
3. You’ll Parent with More Empathy (for Yourself and Your Kids)
Understanding your attachment style can improve how you respond to your children’s needs, especially when your own emotional history is stirred up by parenting.
Example: If you lean avoidant, you might find your child’s intense emotions overwhelming. Knowing this lets you respond with compassion instead of frustration.
4. You’ll Choose (or Cultivate) More Secure Relationships
When you understand what secure attachment looks like—mutual respect, open communication, and emotional responsiveness—you can begin to seek it out, strengthen it, or build it within yourself.
Therapy can help you move from anxious or avoidant patterns toward secure relating—even if you didn’t grow up with it.
5. You’ll Stop Trying to “Outperform” Emotional Healing
High-achieving women often approach healing the way they approach success: set a goal, work hard, expect results. But emotional growth isn’t linear—it’s relational.
Attached offers a reminder: healing happens in connection, not just in effort.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Too Much. You’re Not Not Enough.
Understanding your attachment style isn’t about labeling yourself—it’s about liberating yourself from patterns that no longer serve you.
You deserve relationships that feel safe, supportive, and reciprocal. You deserve to rest in connection, not hustle for it. And you don’t have to figure it all out alone.
If you’re ready to explore your attachment style and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships, therapy can help.
Let’s work together to reconnect with your needs, your worth, and your most empowered self.
lauren@climbinghillscounseling.com | 336-600-4455
Virtual services are available in North Carolina and South Carolina.
