Boundaries Are Not Selfish: A Survival Guide for High-Achieving Women and Moms
You’re the go-to person. At work, you're dependable and accomplished. At home, you're the emotional anchor, the scheduler, the fixer, the nurturer. And yet… you're exhausted.
If you’re constantly overwhelmed, resentful, or on edge, the issue may not be that you're doing too much—it may be that your boundaries are too loose or unclear.
In her bestselling book Set Boundaries, Find Peace, therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab writes:
“Healthy boundaries are the foundation of self-love.”
For high-achieving women and mothers, this can feel radical. Many of us were raised to believe that saying “no” is selfish, that being available 24/7 is noble, and that rest is something you earn after everyone else is taken care of.
It’s time to flip that narrative.
What Are Boundaries, Really?
Tawwab defines boundaries as the “expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships.”
They’re not walls. They’re guidelines for how others can be in relationship with you—whether in the boardroom, the carpool line, or your own home.
Why High-Achieving Women Struggle with Boundaries
You're used to being the one who “figures it out,” even when it means sacrificing your own needs. But here’s the truth:
Being capable doesn’t mean being endlessly available.
Being a good mom doesn’t mean saying yes to everything.
Being strong doesn’t mean doing it all alone.
Many high-achieving women suffer from what Tawwab calls boundary guilt—feeling bad for protecting their time, energy, or peace. But boundaries aren’t about being mean. They’re about being honest.
5 Signs You Need Better Boundaries
If any of these sound familiar, your boundaries may need reinforcement:
You say “yes” when you mean “no.”
You feel burnt out but keep pushing anyway.
You’re often resentful after helping others.
You fear disappointing people—even when their ask is unreasonable.
You rarely have time to rest, reflect, or do things just for you.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. And you can change this.
How to Start Setting Boundaries (Without Burning Everything Down)
According to Tawwab, setting boundaries requires three things: clarity, communication, and consistency.
Here’s how that can look in real life:
1. Be Clear and Direct
You don’t need to over-explain or apologize for your limits.
Try this:
“I’m not available for that right now.”
“I can only stay for 30 minutes.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
Clear. Calm. No guilt required.
2. Expect Resistance—and Hold the Line
People who benefit from your lack of boundaries may push back. That’s normal. Stay kind and firm.
“I understand you’re disappointed. I still need to say no.”
Boundaries aren’t about controlling others—they’re about taking responsibility for yourself.
3. Remember: Saying No Makes Room for Yes
Every time you say “no” to something that drains you, you say “yes” to your mental health, your kids, your relationships—and yourself.
A Note to Moms: Your Kids Benefit from Your Boundaries, Too
When you model healthy boundaries, your children learn:
How to say no with confidence
How to manage their emotional energy
How to respect the needs of others
You’re not just teaching them to listen—you’re showing them how to live a life with balance and self-respect.
Final Thoughts: Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Respect
As Nedra Tawwab reminds us, “If someone is offended by your boundaries, that’s their issue.”
You don’t have to keep overfunctioning to earn love, worth, or peace. You’re already worthy. Boundaries simply help you live like it.
Need help figuring out where your boundaries are missing or how to communicate them with confidence?
At Climbing Hills Counseling, I help high-achieving women rediscover themselves beneath the stress, people-pleasing, and burnout. Let's work together to reclaim your peace.
lauren@climbinghillscounseling.com | 336-600-4455
