Caught in the Middle: Caring for Your Parents, Raising Your Children, and Still Finding Yourself
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, constantly torn between your parents' needs and your children’s demands, and wondering where you fit in the middle—you’re not alone.
Many women today are part of what's known as the sandwich generation: a group of adults, often in their 30s to 50s, who are simultaneously caring for aging parents and supporting children at home.
It’s a role full of love—and also stress, guilt, and exhaustion.
As a therapist who works with high-achieving women, I see firsthand how this dual caregiving responsibility can drain even the most resilient individuals. The emotional toll is real. But so is the possibility of support, balance, and reclaiming your sense of self.
What It Means to Be in the Sandwich Generation
Being in the sandwich generation often looks like:
Driving your teen to practice while coordinating your mother’s doctor appointments.
Managing school projects and managing your dad’s prescriptions.
Working full-time while fielding calls from both your child’s teacher and your parent’s in-home aide.
And underneath the logistics, there's often a deep emotional strain:
Guilt that you’re not doing enough for your children.
Guilt that you’re not present enough for your parents.
Resentment for not having time for yourself—and shame for feeling resentful.
The High Cost of Chronic Caregiving
When you’re responsible for everyone else, your own needs tend to fall to the bottom of the list. Over time, this can lead to:
Chronic stress and burnout
Sleep disruption and fatigue
Feelings of isolation and emotional depletion
Resentment in your relationships
Loss of personal identity and joy
This isn’t just hard. It’s unsustainable.
How to Care for Yourself While Caring for Others
You don’t need to choose between being a good daughter, a good mom, and a healthy, whole human being. You can begin to shift out of survival mode with these key strategies:
1. Prioritize Self-Care—Without Guilt
Self-care isn’t indulgent. It’s essential.
Even small acts of nourishment—15 minutes alone with coffee, a quick walk, journaling before bed—can ground you and protect your nervous system from chronic overload.
Ask yourself daily:
“What do I need right now?”
Then honor the answer, however small it may be.
2. Set Boundaries That Honor Everyone’s Needs (Including Yours)
Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re fences with gates that you control.
They allow you to show up for others without abandoning yourself.
Examples of healthy boundaries:
“I can talk after 6 p.m., but not during work hours.”
“I won’t be available on Sundays. That’s my rest day.”
“I need to reschedule that appointment—I’m overbooked this week.”
Remember: You don’t have to justify or over-explain your boundaries. Clarity is kindness.
3. Use Assertive Communication to Ask for Help
You may be carrying more than your fair share because others assume you’re “handling it.”
Assertive communication means expressing your needs clearly and respectfully.
Try phrases like:
“I’m at capacity. Can you take over dinner prep three nights a week?”
“It’s important to me that caregiving is a shared responsibility. Let’s create a schedule together.”
“I need support. Can we talk about how we’re dividing the responsibilities?”
You might feel vulnerable at first—but speaking up is an act of strength and self-respect.
4. Let Go of Perfectionism
Not everything will get done perfectly. That doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.
Allow yourself to do what’s essential, and let the rest go when needed. Sometimes “good enough” really is enough.
Actionable Resources for Women in the Sandwich Generation
Books:
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski – A science-based guide for managing chronic stress and completing the stress cycle.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab – A practical book on identifying and communicating your limits.
The Sandwich Generation’s Guide to Eldercare by Carol Abaya – Helpful tools for navigating caregiving for aging parents.
Podcasts:
The Longest Shortest Time – A podcast on parenting, caregiving, and everything in between.
The Sandwich Generation Podcast with Jennifer Fiske – Dedicated to those caring for both aging parents and children.
Therapy Chat with Laura Reagan – Conversations on emotional health, boundaries, and self-care.
Tools & Support:
Caregiver Action Network (caregiveraction.org) – Offers free resources and peer support for caregivers.
AARP Family Caregiving (aarp.org/caregiving) – Guidance on finances, housing, legal planning, and care options.
Task-sharing apps like Cozi or OurHome – For coordinating family schedules and responsibilities.
A Therapist’s Perspective
If you're feeling like you're drowning in responsibility with no room to breathe, you're not failing—you're shouldering a nearly impossible load.
Therapy can be a lifeline, offering space to process guilt, grief, resentment, and fatigue—while equipping you with skills to protect your well-being and communicate more effectively.
At Climbing Hills Counseling, I help women like you reconnect with their needs, set boundaries without guilt, and rediscover who they are beyond caregiving.
You don’t have to do this alone. And you don’t have to lose yourself to care for everyone else.
Final Thoughts
You are not selfish for needing space.
You are not weak for feeling tired.
You are not alone.
Let’s talk about how to support you—so you can show up with strength, love, and balance for the people who depend on you.
Need support as you navigate the sandwich generation?
Call: 336-600-4455
Email: lauren@climbinghillscounseling.com
