Empathy vs. Sympathy: Why Knowing the Difference Matters

As a mental health therapist working with women, I often see how emotional support—whether we're offering it or receiving it—can be complicated. You want to comfort a friend, support a partner, or help your child through a tough moment. But sometimes, your efforts fall flat or feel off. Why?

Often, the answer lies in the difference between empathy and sympathy—two words we tend to use interchangeably, but that land in very different ways emotionally.

What’s the Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy?

Let’s start with a simple breakdown:

• Sympathy is feeling for someone.

• Empathy is feeling with someone.

Sympathy looks like this:

“I’m sorry you’re going through that. That sounds really hard.”

Empathy looks like this:

“I’ve been there. You’re not alone. I’m here with you.”

Sympathy creates distance—you’re over there, and I’m over here, looking in. Empathy creates closeness—we’re in this together.

Dr. Brené Brown, whose research has shaped much of our understanding around shame, vulnerability, and emotional connection, describes empathy as:

“A choice to connect with another person by taking their perspective, staying out of judgment, and recognizing their emotions.”

In other words, empathy is about presence. It’s about holding space for another person’s pain without trying to fix, change, or minimize it.

When Is Sympathy Appropriate?

Sympathy isn’t always wrong—it can be a starting point. When we don’t know someone well or we’re emotionally overwhelmed ourselves, sympathy can be a natural first reaction. It might look like:

• Sending a card to someone who experienced a loss

• Saying, “That’s so sad,” in response to news

• Offering condolences when you don’t know what else to say

Sympathy can acknowledge pain. But it doesn’t always validate or connect with it.

Empathy, on the other hand, invites us to enter into someone else’s experience and simply be present with them in it. That takes emotional vulnerability—and often courage.

Why Empathy Matters (Especially for Women)

Many of the women I work with are caregivers, helpers, leaders, and high-achievers. They’re used to managing emotions—everyone else’s and their own. But empathy doesn’t require you to fix things. In fact, trying to fix or smooth over pain too quickly can feel dismissive.

Empathy allows us to say:

• “That sounds incredibly painful—thank you for sharing it with me.”

• “I don’t have the perfect words, but I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

• “You’re allowed to feel exactly what you’re feeling.”

Empathy is the foundation of meaningful connection. And in both personal and professional relationships, it’s what helps people feel seen, heard, and valued.

How to Cultivate More Empathy in Your Life

Empathy isn’t about being emotionally perfect. It’s about being present, curious, and open. Here are a few ways you can nurture empathy in your everyday life:

1. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

When someone is sharing something difficult, resist the urge to jump in with advice or solutions. Instead, ask:

“What was that like for you?”
“How are you feeling about it now?”

2. Check Your Judgments

Empathy asks us to suspend judgment—even if someone’s choices or reactions are different from ours. You don’t need to agree to understand.

3. Practice Perspective-Taking

Ask yourself, “What might this feel like if it were me?” This helps you connect emotionally, rather than intellectually.

4. Use Reflective Language

Mirror the emotions you hear:

“You seem really overwhelmed.”
“It sounds like you feel really alone in this.”

5. Offer Self-Empathy First

If you’re feeling drained or disconnected, pause and offer compassion to yourself. Empathy flows best when we’re not running on empty.

Final Thoughts

In a world that often rushes toward answers and solutions, empathy invites us to slow down and simply be with one another. It’s not about knowing the right thing to say—it’s about being willing to stay, listen, and connect.

At Climbing Hills Counseling, I help women navigate the emotional complexities of life—whether you’re supporting others, trying to reconnect with yourself, or learning how to hold space for both strength and struggle.

You don’t have to go it alone. And you don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes, being there is enough.

Call: 336-600-4455
Email: lauren@climbinghillscounseling.com
Explore more: Climbing Hills Counseling Blog

Helpful Resource:
Brené Brown’s Animated Video on Empathy – A 2-minute must-watch for understanding the core difference between empathy and sympathy.