Raising Empathetic Hearts: Teaching Empathy to Our Children (and Ourselves)
As a mental health therapist who supports women—many of whom are mothers, caregivers, educators, or simply deeply invested in nurturing the next generation—I often hear this question:
“How can I teach my child to be kind, compassionate, and emotionally aware in a world that sometimes feels so disconnected?”
The answer lies in one powerful skill: empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It allows us to connect, comfort, and respond with care. It’s not about fixing or advising—it’s about being with someone in their feelings.
And while we often think of empathy as something we either “have or don’t have,” the truth is: empathy is a skill that can be modeled, nurtured, and grown. It starts with us.
What Is Empathy—and What Isn’t?
Empathy is often confused with sympathy, but they’re not the same.
Sympathy says, “I feel bad for you.”
Empathy says, “I’m with you in this. I see you. I hear you.”
Dr. Brené Brown, whose work on shame, vulnerability, and connection deeply informs my approach as a therapist, defines empathy as:
“The skill set to bring compassion alive—to connect to the emotions that underpin an experience.”
Empathy means entering into someone else’s world without trying to take it away, fix it, or minimize it. It’s saying, “You’re not alone.”
Where Do We Learn Empathy?
Empathy isn’t taught through lectures—it’s absorbed through relationships. Children learn empathy by experiencing it. That means when caregivers:
Validate their feelings instead of dismissing them
Offer presence instead of pressure
Respond with curiosity instead of control
…kids learn to do the same for others.
In Child-Centered Play Therapy, we believe children heal and grow through safe, nurturing relationships where they feel fully accepted. Empathy is one of the foundational tools we use in the playroom. When a child cries or acts out, we respond not with punishment or redirection, but with reflection:
“You’re feeling really frustrated right now. That makes sense—it’s hard when things don’t go the way you hoped.”
This kind of attuned response teaches children that their feelings are valid—and helps them begin to recognize and respect the feelings of others.
Empathy Starts with Us: Self-Compassion for Parents and Women
Here's something I say often in therapy: We cannot give what we don’t believe we’re worthy of receiving.
If you want to raise empathetic children, start by offering empathy to yourself.
Too many women I work with extend compassion to everyone around them—partners, children, coworkers—but turn inward with harshness and criticism. They say things to themselves they would never say to someone they love.
But empathy begins inside. Brené Brown puts it this way:
“Practicing self-compassion means learning to be kind to ourselves when we are experiencing suffering or feelings of inadequacy.”
When your child melts down and you feel overwhelmed, can you say to yourself:
“This is hard, and I’m doing the best I can.”
“I’m allowed to have big feelings, too.”
“I don’t have to be perfect to be a good parent.”
That gentle voice becomes the one your child learns to use with themselves—and with others.
Simple Ways to Nurture Empathy at Home
You don’t need special tools or scripts to raise empathetic kids. You just need consistency, connection, and curiosity. Here are a few simple practices:
Name and Validate Feelings
Help your child identify their emotions and let them know their feelings are okay.
“You’re sad because your toy broke—that’s really disappointing.”
Model Active Listening
Put down your phone, make eye contact, and truly listen. Let them know their story matters.
Show Repair After Conflict
If you lose your temper, apologize. This teaches that relationships are built on honesty and restoration, not perfection.
Use Stories and Play
Books, role-play, and imaginary games are powerful tools to help children understand different perspectives.
Practice Self-Empathy Together
Say out loud when you feel overwhelmed and what you do to cope. This normalizes emotional regulation and self-kindness.
Final Thoughts
Empathy isn’t about being soft. It’s about being real. It’s the glue that holds relationships together—and it’s the greatest gift we can offer our children.
So to every woman wondering, Am I doing enough? Am I getting this right?—let me offer you this:
You’re already teaching empathy—every time you pause, listen, connect, and try again.
At Climbing Hills Counseling, I help women embrace their full emotional selves and parent with intention, grace, and confidence. If you're ready to explore how empathy can deepen your connection with your child and yourself, I’d be honored to support you.
Call: 336-600-4455
Email: lauren@climbinghillscounseling.com
Recommended Resources:
📖 The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
📖 Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
🎧 Unlocking Us Podcast – Parenting & Empathy Episodes
