Empowering Your Child Without Losing Your Sanity: How Choice Giving in Play Therapy Can Help Moms Thrive
If you’re a mom, you know the emotional rollercoaster of parenting. One minute, you’re soaking up the cuddles and giggles. The next, you’re in a stand-off over snack choices, screen time, or putting on shoes. It’s exhausting—and it can leave you feeling like you’re doing something wrong.
But what if the issue isn’t that your child is “difficult,” or that you’re not “firm enough,” but rather that they’re looking for a sense of control in a world that often feels too big?
Enter: Choice giving, a simple but powerful tool from Child-Centered Play Therapy (CCPT) that can transform the way you parent—especially during tough moments.
What Is Child-Centered Play Therapy?
Child-Centered Play Therapy (CCPT) is a research-based therapeutic approach that uses play to help children express emotions, process experiences, and build healthy coping skills. In CCPT, the therapist creates a safe, supportive environment where the child leads and the adult follows with warmth, structure, and acceptance.
While traditionally used in therapy sessions, many CCPT techniques can be adapted for everyday parenting—and choice giving is one of the most effective.
What Is Choice Giving?
Choice giving means offering your child two realistic, respectful options within a clear limit. It’s not about letting kids run the show. It’s about creating structure that honors autonomy, which helps kids regulate emotions, feel heard, and make responsible decisions.
Example:
Instead of saying, “Stop running!”
Try: “You can walk next to me or ride in the stroller. You decide.”
This approach turns a power struggle into a moment of empowerment.
Why Choice Giving Helps Moms
High-achieving moms, especially those who value structure and intentional parenting, often carry a mental checklist a mile long. You want to do things “right,” raise an emotionally healthy child, and maintain some peace in the house. But constant negotiation and meltdowns wear on your patience and self-confidence.
Here’s how choice giving helps:
Reduces Power Struggles
Children are more likely to cooperate when they feel a sense of agency. Choice giving avoids ultimatums and invites participation.
Boosts Emotional Regulation (For You and Your Child)
It’s easier to stay calm when you have a go-to strategy. You’ll respond instead of react, and your child learns to do the same.
Builds Confidence and Independence
Children begin to trust their ability to make good choices—key for long-term self-esteem.
Creates Consistency Without Harshness
You stay in the parenting role with warmth and clarity, rather than shifting between over-accommodation and over-correction.
How to Start Using Choices at Home
You can begin using choice giving in your daily routines, especially in moments of transition or challenge.
Tips:
Keep choices limited to 2 options
Only offer choices you’re truly okay with
Use a calm, confident tone
Follow through consistently
Examples:
“It’s time to clean up. Do you want to put away blocks or books first?”
“We’re heading out. Would you like to wear your rain boots or your sneakers?”
“Your voice is getting really loud. You can talk quietly or take a break in your room.”
What If They Refuse Both Choices?
That’s okay. Calmly remind them:
“These are the choices. If you don’t choose, I’ll choose for you.”
The key is staying firm but kind—not escalating, not giving in. Over time, your child learns that their voice matters and that boundaries are safe.
Final Thoughts: Parenting with Compassion and Clarity
Choice giving isn’t a trick—it’s a skill. It honors your child’s need for control while preserving your authority and your sanity. It’s rooted in respect, not rigidity, and it teaches both you and your child how to navigate conflict with confidence and care.
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need tools that actually work—and choice giving is one of them.
Want to learn more about integrating play therapy principles into parenting?
Dr. Lauren Chase helps moms navigate motherhood with insight, emotional clarity, and evidence-based support—so you can feel more empowered and less overwhelmed.
Contact Dr. Chase:
Email: lauren@climbinghillscounseling.com
Phone: 336-600-4455
Virtual services available in North Carolina and South Carolina
