The Power of Encouragement Over Praise in Child-Centered Play Therapy
As a therapist who teaches Child-Centered Play Therapy (CCPT) to parents, one of the most transformative shifts I see in how we relate to children is the move from praise to encouragement.
At first glance, the difference might seem subtle—both involve positive feedback, right? But in the playroom (and in our homes and classrooms), the distinction is profound. Praise is often outcome-focused and judgment-based. Encouragement, on the other hand, is process-focused and grounded in the child’s internal experience. And in CCPT, where our aim is to foster a child’s self-direction, autonomy, and self-worth, that difference matters deeply.
What’s the Difference?
Garry Landreth, one of the most respected voices in CCPT, writes:
“Praise is a judgment. Encouragement is recognition.”
(Landreth, 2012, Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship)
When we praise, we impose an external evaluation on the child’s behavior:
“Good job!”
“You’re such a good boy!”
“I like that you shared!”
While these statements may feel supportive on the surface, they subtly communicate that the child’s value is dependent on our approval. Over time, children may begin to perform for praise, seeking external validation rather than developing their own internal compass.
Encouragement, in contrast, mirrors what the child is doing or feeling—without judgment or evaluation:
“You worked really hard on that puzzle.”
“You decided to share the truck with him.”
“You figured out how to make the tower stand all by yourself.”
Encouragement invites children to own their experiences and take pride in their efforts and decisions. It says: I see you. I trust you. You’re capable.
Why It Matters in the Playroom
In CCPT, our role as therapists is not to teach or reward behaviors but to create a relationship where the child feels safe, accepted, and empowered to lead. When a child hands me a drawing and says, “Do you like it?”—I don’t respond with “It’s beautiful!” Instead, I might say, “You used a lot of dark colors here—looks like that was important to you,” or “You worked hard on this.”
This kind of response places the focus back on the child’s experience. It supports the development of internal motivation and a stable sense of self-worth—something many of the children I work with desperately need, especially those struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, or a deep fear of “not being good enough.”
A Real-World Example
A few months ago, I was working with a five-year-old girl who was extremely cautious and often sought reassurance. When she finally attempted a tricky new activity with the sand tray, she immediately looked at me and asked, “Was that good?”
Rather than offering praise, I responded with, “You tried something new even though it looked a little hard. You did it your way.” Her body relaxed. She smiled—not because I approved, but because she began to trust her own process. That’s the magic of encouragement.
How You Can Shift From Praise to Encouragement
This shift doesn’t just belong in the playroom—it can be a powerful change in our everyday interactions with kids.
Final Thoughts
Encouragement honors the child’s experience without needing to control, reward, or steer it. As Landreth reminds us, “The child knows when you mean it.” When we shift from praise to encouragement, we give children the gift of trusting themselves—and in my experience, there’s no greater gift we can offer.
If you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver looking to build more intentional, empowering relationships with children, I encourage you to give this practice a try. It might feel unfamiliar at first, but over time, it becomes second nature—and the impact is lasting.
Warmly,
Dr. Lauren Chase
Climbing Hills Counseling
Supporting high-achieving women and children through authentic, empowering care
https://climbinghillscounseling.com
